Library Story Time

My toddler loves his new class at story time. Today is week two of his new fun. He was definitely ready to be done with baby stories, and move on to more active classes. He's a runner!

Also, we are still working on selling the car. Busy days at the cottage.

Cleaning, Selling, Feasting

We're cleaning the kitchen and preparing a chicken matzo soup for supper. We don't keep Passover in a religious sense, but only in a culinary one. Plus, I love chicken soup. It does feel good to have an excuse to get the kitchen really clean.

We're selling the car today or tomorrow, and buying a minivan. It's a bit crazy and stressful, but it has to be done.

This evening we will have time for feasting of the Monday in Holy Week. We are feasting within the fast, so to speak. Keeping Lent but preparing for the Joy to come. We are praying full prayers every day this week, and seeking Holy Guidance toward joining a church.

More Progress

I've had more progress, but it's not enough. I doubt that I'll get to where I want to be. Even so, I have done more than others might. I've done less that others, too. This is the only time in my life that I'll be expecting my third child, so I try not to be too hard on myself.

• Scrubbing the kitchen countertops
  
• Scrubbing the Walls with Borax
• Pulling out the furniture and inspecting and cleaning behind it
• Cleaning out the children's toys and clothes and storage containers thereof
• Opening the windows and letting in fresh air and light
• Sweeping and scrubbing solid surface floors
• Vacuuming carpeted floors
• Putting everything back and tidying up afterwards
• Washing the windows

Continued Progress

As Passiontide progresses, so does my cleaning. I got another cabinet cleaned yesterday. Today, I had shopping and errands in the morning, followed by countertops scheduled for the afternoon. It's a bit too cool for outside play, so we should get plenty of time for inside work.

• Scrubbing the kitchen, partially complete
  
• Scrubbing the Walls with Borax
• Pulling out the furniture and inspecting and cleaning behind it
• Cleaning out the children's toys and clothes and storage containers thereof
• Opening the windows and letting in fresh air and light
• Sweeping and scrubbing solid surface floors
• Vacuuming carpeted floors
• Putting everything back and tidying up afterwards
• Washing the windows

Lady Day

The Collect

The Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary

WE beseech thee, O Lord, pour thy grace into our hearts; that, as we have known the incarnation of thy Son Jesus Christ by the message of an angel, so by his cross and passion we may be brought into the glory of his resurrection; through the same Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Ash Wednesday

ALMIGHTY and everlasting God, who hatest nothing that thou hast made, and dost forgive the sins of all those who are penitent; Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of thee, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Finding a Window

I think if I rearrange my schedule for a window of cleaning in the late afternoon, I can get on top of it. I managed to make further progress with this yesterday. The children seem to prefer free play at this time anyway. Otherwise, it's good for supervised outdoor play or cookie baking. My list continues:

• Scrubbing the kitchen, partially complete
  
• Scrubbing the Walls with Borax
• Pulling out the furniture and inspecting and cleaning behind it
• Cleaning out the children's toys and clothes and storage containers thereof
• Opening the windows and letting in fresh air and light
• Removing all items from the kitchen cabinets and scrubbing inside them, partially complete
  
• Sweeping and scrubbing solid surface floors
• Vacuuming carpeted floors
• Putting everything back and tidying up afterwards
• Washing the windows

Exiguous Progress

How appropriate that the word of today is "exiguous," since that's the progress I made yesterday on cleaning. Still, progress is progress. I've dusted and done the bathroom. Now if I can just do a bit more, I'll get on top of things for Passiontide.

• Scrubbing the kitchen, partially complete
  
• Scrubbing the Walls with Borax
• Pulling out the furniture and inspecting and cleaning behind it
• Cleaning out the children's toys and clothes and storage containers thereof
• Opening the windows and letting in fresh air and light
• Removing all items from the kitchen cabinets and scrubbing inside them
• Sweeping and scrubbing solid surface floors
• Vacuuming carpeted floors
• Putting everything back and tidying up afterwards
• Washing the windows

Still striving

During Passiontide, I'm particularly keen to clean the house. I'm learning how to put this all together, and it will take a while. I refuse to change who I am, and be someone else. If it doesn't come together as I hoped, then I will find my own path. I refuse to comprise on my child care for the sake of housework.

Passiontide

WE beseech thee, Almighty God, mercifully to look upon thy people; that by thy great goodness they may be governed and preserved evermore, both in body and soul; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

The Fourth Week of Lent

Part of my prayers have been answered. A friend has invited my husband and I to a social event affiliated with their church. I hope this is a step we can take to finding our spiritual home.

Fourth Sunday in Lent

GRANT, we beseech thee, Almighty God, that we, who for our evil deeds do worthily deserve to be punished, by the comfort of thy grace may mercifully be relieved; through our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen.

Ash Wednesday

ALMIGHTY and everlasting God, who hatest nothing that thou hast made, and dost forgive the sins of all those who are penitent; Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of thee, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Cleaning Day, Part 3

I am determined to clean, regardless of how many days it takes to accomplish the list. Here's where I stand now:

• Dusting, including wainscoting
• Ceiling fans
• Scrubbing the bathroom, what remains after a partial cleaning
  
• Scrubbing the kitchen, partially complete
  
• Scrubbing the Walls with Borax
• Pulling out the furniture and inspecting and cleaning behind it
• Cleaning out the children's toys and clothes and storage containers thereof
• Opening the windows and letting in fresh air and light
• Removing all items from the kitchen cabinets and scrubbing inside them
• Sweeping and scrubbing solid surface floors
• Vacuuming carpeted floors
• Putting everything back and tidying up afterwards
• Washing the windows

Cleaning and Baking, Day 2

• Dusting, including wainscoting
• Ceiling fans
• Scrubbing the bathroom, ceiling to floor
• Scrubbing the kitchen, ceiling to floor
• Scrubbing the Walls with Borax
• Pulling out the furniture and inspecting and cleaning behind it
• Cleaning out the children's toys and clothes and storage containers thereof
• Opening the windows and letting in fresh air and light
• Removing all items from the kitchen cabinets and scrubbing inside them
• Sweeping and scrubbing solid surface floors
• Vacuuming carpeted floors
• Putting everything back and tidying up afterwards
• Washing the windows
• Baking bread
• Baking cookies for the week
• Feeding the sourdough starter
• Setting the brown rice and lentils to lacto-ferment for tomorrow's kedgeree
  

Cleaning Day

Friday is my cleaning day. Here's my list:

• Dusting, including wainscoting
• Ceiling fans
• Scrubbing the bathroom, ceiling to floor
• Scrubbing the kitchen, ceiling to floor
• Washing Sheets and line drying them
• Scrubbing the Walls with Borax
• Pulling out the furniture and inspecting and cleaning behind it
• Cleaning out the children's toys and clothes and storage containers thereof
• Opening the windows and letting in fresh air and light
• Removing all items from the kitchen cabinets and scrubbing inside them
• Sweeping and scrubbing solid surface floors
• Vacuuming carpeted floors
• Putting everything back and tidying up afterwards

Some of these items are seasonal, not weekly cleaning. It is early spring, and time for a full list. I may not have the wherewithal to complete the whole list, especially while pregnant. I know other women express their nesting urge through cleaning; however, I find the physical strain too much for me. Besides, my nesting urge is expressed through needlework. My mind doesn't worry about whether the ceiling fans are clean enough for the new baby. I become possessed that the baby doesn't have enough booties, and knit until my hands curl with cramping. A woman doesn't necessarily have rhyme or reason to her nesting, and that's just how it is with me. I'm more cleaning oriented before and after a pregnancy than I am during. I am able to put down crochet and knitting while not pregnant. Such is life.

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Shopping and Play

I've had a morning of busy shopping, followed by play. Now, it's nap time, and fun for my older son. We'll have outside play this afternoon.

Our Anniversary

Today is the wedding anniversary for the Vintner and me. It's also the day our second son turns 18 months old. We have a doctor's appointment for him and a prenatal appointment for the new one arriving in June.

Too Rainy for Outside Play

These poor boys have only had two days in the last few weeks. Between weather and colds, they've been so cooped up. Today, it's raining as it was yesterday. We'll have indoor fun, but there's only so much coloring little boys enjoy. We hope for an adventurous day tomorrow.

Frustration

I wasn't as successful yesterday with childcare as I hoped. While I did get some things done, I didn't get my goals done. I've become so frustrated. If I don't do the things the grandmothers expect, they'll take liberties with my home and do them. However, they do them the way they think they should be done, and not how I do them. For instance, one sees a pile of laundry, folds it and puts it away in the drawers that she thinks it should go in. However, that was dirty laundry, and she puts them in drawers I don't think to look. After a few weeks of giving up on the "lost" laundry, I discover moldy, fuzzy clothes. Another unloads my dishwasher - and puts my dishes in the cabinets wherever she chooses. I regularly spend days undoing the puzzle. By the time I have it back together, she comes again. I ask, beg and plead for them not to "help" but they just shift their "help" to another area of the house. What would I really love? If they would just do the very specific thing that I've asked them to come over to do: child care. I can't get out the harsh chemical and scrub off the mold from the windowsill with children climbing up my legs. I could with them distracted and supervised in another room or playing in the backyard. I feel judgment that I don't keep a clean enough house for the children because we have mold on the windowsills. They both expect that children to just play by themselves at one and three. One strongly encourages plopping the children in front of "educational television" so that I can "get it done." This is what neither I nor the Vintner approve for our children. During early childhood, our children come first, the housework must come second. Although, the house work still must be done. I'm so frustrated that I can't get through to them. I would have thought that child care would be a grandparent's first choice, not five minutes of a two-hour visit.

I would appreciate any insight. I try to understand: they see laundry. They think, "I can fold laundry. That would help." They hear me say, "Don't bother with that. Please help with the children." Why they ignore that I can't understand. The reason the laundry is piled up is not because I need help with the laundry. The reason the laundry is piled up is because I need help with the children. Before I had children, I was a home maker who ran a tight ship. I know how to do all these things, and love doing them, and am passionate about home making. If I could just get help with my number one priority, then I could get to my other priorities on the list. I get so frustrated that others see all my other priorities and want to take them over. That leaves me with no break from Job #1. As much as I love my children, I also love being a home maker. Not getting my time to do that work frustrates me.

I try to see that they have different values; they have both been career women. Being a home maker is "boring drudgery." They can't imagine that someone would love house work and not have it all done. They can't imagine spending all this time on child care, when there are dishes to be done. The children can just play with their toys and I can just talk over my shoulder to them. That's the way they did it when their children were young. I just need someone to show me how this is done. I'm doing it all wrong, right from birth (insert various comments here from infant care on up through age three). I look at that point of view and the criticism. I can't do it. I can't wake up and be a different person. I can't tell my children "just a minute while I finish this," twenty times a day. I can't run around cleaning when my children sleep. I can't do things the way they think they should be done, from child care to house work. I don't value "having it all done so I can get on with things," because the things of the home are the things most important. I've tried to examine myself and see myself as "just being difficult." I'm willing to consider that I am "wrong," but I have a hard time seeing how someone can be wrong for being who they are. I've tried saying to myself that I should consider my blessings, and see how fortunate the children are to have grandparents. I've bit my tongue due to this last reason for, well, over three years now.

Perhaps it's just the pregnancy hormones making me extra sensitive at this time. I know the Vintner is always frustrated that his wife's way of running the home is criticized. I know he's not happy that they do these things. I know he doesn't want their way of home management. He's point blank said, "As long as you don't run the house the way your mother does..." and "I hated the way my mother ran things. As long as you don't do it that way..." "Our children always come first..." So, I wonder if I should just continue to bite my tongue during the pregnancy, and let him handle it if it gets out of control.

Hmmm...

Spring Cleaning

With luck, I'll begin my spring cleaning this morning, or possibly afternoon. There is much to do. I need to remove everything from the kitchen cabinets and scrub them down. I don't know how it will be possible without child care. Perhaps I can arrange some in the next few weeks with kids on spring break. I would love to get the house in good order before the new baby arrives in early summer. Without child care, I may just have to muddle through.

Suggestions of Spring

As the weather begins to warm, I'll get a chance to take the boys out to play this afternoon. I'll also assess the garden, and plan the work to come. Due to the pregnancy, gardening will be abbreviated this year. However, I can keep it tidy. Plus, we may be removing the giant tree in the back yard in the middle of spring, so there's not much hope in elaborate plans this year.

Getting Ready for Baby

We've gotten the car ready to sell, and are making arrangements for the beds. No more beginning of the month errands for me; the Vintner will take over those for a few months. We just need to sell the car, buy diapers, and a car seat and off we go into our new adventure!