It's right before the last frost of the season, and I have no idea when I can get planting. I should have the next few weekends for hours of gardening. However, I have some things to do for the car and errands and without help on the weekends with the boys. In the last two years, we had help with one boy because he was tube fed during the day. The Vintner was agreeable to keep an eye on the other boys. Now, the boys are orally fed during the day and tube fed during the evening. The Vintner does not help with this, except occasionally turning the pump off after I got to bed, and flushing the line with water. I have all of two or three hours between the feedings, and during that time I have to prepare the boys meals. One of the boys is on a special diet. We cannot afford to purchase his foods as convenience foods, and must make them from scratch. I don't mind in the least, and enjoy this, as evidenced by the Cottage Vineyard Kitchen. However, it takes even more time from other tasks, like work in the vineyard - not that either vine needs much these days, or in the garden. Really, I have only an hour at a time. Cleanup and meal preparation and feeding on the hospital regimen can take over four hours of the day. Then there is my other child, who also needs care. Somewhere during this time, I have homeschooling and housework and driving back and forth to therapy and writing. What is missing? Care for myself. Gardening used to be part of my psychological care.
I enjoyed taking a break to watch the blossoms on the neighbors' trees. I don't know when I can get enough time to myself any time soon, although I know I need it. No one can continue at a busy pace like this for long. I do feel frustration at asking for help and only getting excuses: from my mother, my friends, the agency for the employees and the Vintner. I will appreciate the break all the more when it comes.