Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Home - To a New Normal

We have returned home from the boys' stay in Intense Feeding Therapy.  The transformation is amazing.  We've gone from two tube fed boys to two boys who eat during the day, with some tube feedings in the evening.  I'm living a life far closer to that of a stay-at-home mother than I have in years.  I see a life that is so easy in comparison to what I used to know.  I didn't think my life was difficult then, but now I look back in wonder.  How did I not collapse?  How could I keep going?  I acclimated; I adjusted.  I accepted it as my life, and did what needed to be done.

Now there is so much more room for Joy.  The Vintner and I have time in the evenings.  I'm not spent and exhausted.  I don't fall asleep in my chair at 9 pm, with my knitting in my hand.  I hold my husband's hand, and we spent the time together.  We laugh; we enjoy our marital life.

I am behind on running the household.  It will take some weeks to find a new routine and a new pattern.  Now my morning prayers are not so desperate for help getting through the day.  It's not clinging to Hope, but  experiencing a small break for Joy and Faith.  There is so much more time to feel the pleasure of Love.  While love kept us going, there wasn't much room for feeling the happiness that it brings.  It was a mature, fulfilling love. Now that we're feeding children, instead of tube-feeding them during daylight hours, there's room for smiles.  Not that one can't smile while a feeding pump is running, but the stress runs so high, that it's all too easy to forget to smile.  Plus, no one really enjoys running a feeding pump the same way they enjoy feeding a child by mouth.  It won't take long for this to feel like the normal life that it is.  From there, the windows will get washed.  The spring planting will occur.  Friends will gather around our table.  Spring blooms but around the corner.

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