In our own time, we can see people who are initially attracted to Jesus become disenchanted and fall away. Jesus knew more than Judas Iscariot's betrayal. He was abandoned by many disciples, Jewish leaders and even his own brothers who wanted to distance themselves from him. He knew that there would be those who came to him for his miracles, but couldn't accept all his teachings. We like to believe that the way we see the world is the way it really is. We like to believe that our understanding of what is true and good is the whole story. Jesus was able to see so much more than we ever can. He sees our struggle with the truth. He knows how much we want clear rules to follow and simple explanations of things for which there are no simple explanations.
In my own life, I've struggled for many years to be good enough. If I can just be the best I can be, then that will in turn mean I'll get my needs fulfilled. Recently, I've discovered that it just doesn't matter. I can't be good enough. It's not a matter of being good enough. I was afraid that if my flawed self were discovered, then I'd be cast out of the life I've spend years building. Instead, I've found acceptance. Being the best rule follower and trying to meet assumed expectations only made me unhappy. While my life was filled with meaning, being a "Good Christian" was creating an impediment to closeness with the very people I needed - especially Jesus.
Jesus knew, and knows, all of his betrayals. He still loved the Jewish leaders and Judas, even as they plotted to kill him. He still loves me, even though I was trying to hide my flawed self. Being a Christian doesn't mean following another set of rules on top of all the rules in the Old Testament. It's a new covenant that has nothing to do with earning. It involves hard teachings that we may not even want to accept.
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